Arguments are normal and inevitable in any relationship. They can stem from money, parenting issues, or lifestyle choices. Conflict can bring you and your partner closer if handled properly. However, if it is often mishandled, it can ruin your relationship. This is why partners must learn how to navigate disagreements properly, as it can prevent unhealthy arguments and maintain a healthy relationship.
Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Arguments
When two people get together, they bring their experiences and backgrounds. As a result, they are bound to have different approaches to handling issues. They will not always have the same perspective, regardless of their similarities or compatibility. This can make or mar a relationship depending on how they handle arguments arising from their differing views. Those who fight healthily resolve conflicts effectively without damaging their partner’s self-image.
However, those who resort to unhealthy arguments not only break their partners’ spirits. They also damage their relationships and can get combative. This can perpetuate a cycle of toxicity where the other person tries to retaliate. Therefore, knowing how to navigate arguments correctly can help to sustain a relationship. However, you need to know which argument methods are unhealthy to avoid them. Here are three signs that indicate that you and your partner have unhealthy arguments:
- The Silent Treatment
- Blaming Each Other
- Lashing Out When Angry
The Silent Treatment
Giving your partner the silent treatment means you ignore them and refuse to communicate. It can also mean that you evade physical touch or provoke them to elicit an emotional response. Or you may only respond abruptly to physical or virtual communication. Either way, you’re giving your partner the silent treatment. Silent treatment is often considered emotionally abusive and is an unhealthy way to tackle arguments. It triggers rejection, loneliness, guilt, and fear in the other person.
Sometimes, there may be valid reasons not to communicate. However, it would help if you informed your partner in such cases. Tell them you need some time to be alone to blow off steam. When you do this, you signal your partner that you care about their feelings. Bullying your partner or terrifying each other is a sign that you have unhealthy arguments. Your current conflict should not make you terrifying to your partner. Rather, it should be a way to find common ground on issues.
Blaming Each Other
Another sign that you are having unhealthy arguments is when you always blame each other. You must tackle your conflicts better if you constantly criticize each other and never take responsibility for faults. Blaming your partner or each other is toxic behavior. Also, it never helps to resolve issues since neither of you wants to be accountable. According to the Crosswinds Center for Personal and Professional Development, blaming can build contempt and fuel resentment.
You can express your disappointment better, even when your partner is at fault. You could use the “I” statements and turn the focus to your feelings. For example, if your partner throws their stuff around, you can say, “I get anxious when I see laundry everywhere.” That way, your partner is less likely to be defensive or throw blame themselves. They will also be more likely to get an empathetic response and more inclined to change.
Lashing Out When Angry
If you or your partner keeps lashing out, it is a sign that you are having unhealthy arguments. Lashing out is a typical but unhealthy response to mounting anger and increasing frustration. Lashing out at your partner can leave them confused, hurt, and degraded. It stings to be on the receiving end of lashouts. Hence, it doesn’t speak well of you if you do so. Thankfully, you can overcome this unhealthy argument habit. First, you need to identify your triggers; journaling is a good way.
It would help if you were also more self-aware during arguments. Could you feel belittled by something your partner said, and you want to devalue them in return? Could it also be from childhood trauma? After you make your findings, try to deal with your anger better. You can take deep breaths or step away from an argument for a while so you don’t say something you will regret. You can also take an anger management class or see a therapist.
Unhealthy arguments can ruin a good relationship. They can make partners distant and resentful of each other. Therefore, you must eliminate unhealthy arguments to keep your relationship healthy.
#Clique, did you find this article helpful? What other tips do you recommend for resolving conflicts between partners without resorting to unhealthy arguments? Let us know!
