Love is transactional when something is expected in return. When in love, there is nothing wrong with demanding similar attention from the other person. But when attention is paid for through favors or kind acts, it has become transactional. Another way bargained love can take place is through gifting. Planning a special dinner or buying expensive gifts shouldn’t be how to win a heart. The true essence of love remains to show selfless acts that are not material-driven.
Difference Between Transactional and Real Romance
Transactional love is not only prevalent in romantic relationships. It can exist between siblings, parents, children, and friends. Any love that rests on the concept of give-and-take can termed transactional. Partners practicing such love tend to keep a scorecard. They remember every good deed and sometimes manipulate the relationship. This can cause an imbalance of power as one person would claim to be better in some areas.
As stated earlier, transactional love can also occur between families. An arranged marriage offers the best example. In some arranged marriages, very little thought is given to the couples. In such situations, the parents of the couple are mostly in control. Both families may begin to exchange gifts while seeking to advance in status.
On the other hand, real love or romance deals with concern, care, kindness, and commitment. While gestures aren’t lacking, those involved understand and know how to reciprocate. Such love is not attached to materialism. Neither party waits for the time to prove a point with a scorecard. There is open communication and honesty. Conflicts are easily resolved, causing real love to stand the test of time.
Signs Of Transactional Love
Transactional love in relationships breeds conflict, dishonesty, and selfishness. However, it has different depths as some people may be in a transactional love situation without knowing it. Here are signs to look out for:
Transactional Affection Is Measured
This is because their affections are based on what the other person does. It is never an unconditional feeling. Their partners must fulfill an obligation before they show concern or care.
No Depth
Since real love offers depth in romance, transactional love is the direct opposite. Nothing binds the relationship. There are no real feelings, except the ones bought.
The Materialism Factor
If love fails without all the fancy or luxury gestures, then it’s safe to assume it is transactional. A healthy relationship withstands difficult periods together. When a person chooses to attach a condition to their good deed, it is not selfless. Intentional love is selfless and humble and it never keeps a scorecard.
Overcoming Transactional Love
One must first understand their love mode—if it’s transactional or real. If it is the former, the only way to overcome it is to leave. But there are other ways to avoid encountering transitional love.
Show genuine care and concern
Try to practice the opposite of transactional love more often. Be selfless, love freely, and do not put a price tag on love or things you do for the people around you unless it’s your source of income.
Practice Honest Communication
Whenever in doubt, talk about your feelings to reveal what kind of love it is. If the other party fails to listen, it might just be a one-sided relationship.
Place Value On Emotional Intimacy
Apart from the feel-good moment on camera, prioritize building emotional intimacy. This is what defines the depth of true love. Avoid phubbing whenever you’re with your loved ones.
Be Kind
A kind partner is not boastful or proud of their contributions. They are also open to working things out in times of conflict. Listening to your partner is a sign of true love.
Final Note
There is no gain in transactional love. It only leaves the participants drained. Consequently, they also miss out on finding a true life partner. Nothing beats true love! Both parties only need to be sincere to each other at all times.
#Clique, what are your thoughts?