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Tag: compatibility

  • The Fine Line Between Healthy And Toxic Emotional Detachment

    The Fine Line Between Healthy And Toxic Emotional Detachment

    Emotional detachment is a conscious act, and it is not as easy as it sounds. Every human deals with emotions. Research posits that men are not better than women in this regard. Rather, people’s emotions are influenced by their backgrounds, environment, and values. There are general rules that apply to emotional detachment. It categorizes them into toxic and healthy emotional detachment.

    Toxic Emotional Detachment

    Toxic emotional detachment is when a person fails to be empathetic. It can cause isolation as their relationships are mostly affected. They find it impossible to see things from another’s standpoint. Their self-absorbed attitude causes social isolation. A person who emotional detachment would:

    Show Disinterest In Intimacy

    While in a seemingly healthy relationship, they avoid being intimate. This happens because they feel disconnected and lack attraction for the person.

    Never Understanding Another

    Such individuals believe that point of view is always the best; there is no middle ground. People under this umbrella also fail to show empathy.

    Lack of Emotions

    Nothing bothers them. It doesn’t matter how they made someone else feel. There is always a disconnect and they fail to understand people’s grouses.

    Ignoring Emotions

    Instead of referring to the emotional implications of a situation they bring up intelligent discourses. This amplifies their lack of genuine intelligence in handling the social environment.

    Toxic Emotional Detachment Makes One Feel Isolated

    Since the beginning of time, humans have interacted. When one displays toxic emotional detachment, they fail to connect. This leaves them feeling alone.

    Feeling Worked Out

    Not letting out emotions leaves the mind burdened. Rather than share a problem, some people would bottle it up. Not asking for help also falls under this symptom. It stems from being afraid to share. Sometimes, it could be that they feel overconfident in their problem-solving ability. This isn’t the case with healthy emotional detachment. People on that spectrum are more open to sharing and they never feel alone.

    Healthy Emotional Detachment

    It is the opposite of emotional detachment. People who practice this can manage their emotions. They often see the need to de-escalate tension during heated arguments. Sometimes when they end relationships, they never burn bridges. Their excuses for being detached are usually valid and they are honest about it. Also, they can maintain healthy relationships. A healthy emotional detachment would only lead to a healthier and happier life. This can be seen in the way people:

    Set boundaries

    To avoid stress in a relationship, people can detach emotionally, but still set boundaries.

    Practice Self Care

    A healthy emotional detachment calls for change in a person’s lifestyle. Looking out for what’s best for one’s self helps to know when to detach emotionally. At such a time being with a support group can also help. This is because being around people helps cushion the effect of the disconnection.

    Healthy Emotional Detachment Does Not Affect Communication

    There is never a problem with stating their feelings. This also clarifies their stance on an issue. At the same time, the other person is fully aware of the disconnection.

    Final Note

    Detaching emotionally comes with problems that could arise due to childhood trauma, rejection, and loss. But learning how to share these problems can help a person. Accepting that there’s a problem makes it easier to attack it. However, it is important to know the right time to detach emotionally.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • The Most Common Year for Divorce In Marriages

    The Most Common Year for Divorce In Marriages

    Divorces are never planned. Well, at least that is what two people who believed their marriage would last think. But sometimes, life happens and couples need to go their separate ways. It could be that the couple fell out of love. Another reason could be that one party failed to keep to their vows. Whatever the case, divorce seemed like the right answer. Regardless of when people divorce, studies have shown that there is a time frame with a high possibility of divorce.

    The Year Couples Split The Most

    Reports have it that in the US, about 50% of first marriages end in divorce. As for second marriages, there is a 60% failure rate. Meanwhile, for third marriages, 73% of such unions fail. Somehow these couples have one thing in common — a particular year or period when it fails!

    There are two different years when divorce can happen and it has been proven. It is usually between the second and third years of marriage. Those in the seventh and eighth years are also on this scale.

    Statistics show that one common reason for such is “The Seventh Year Itch.” According to this theory, a couple’s interest in commitment begins to dwindle. This happens after seven years of marriage. Furthermore, this theory shows that most first marriages end after eight years. While second marriages manage to reach the seventh year.

    When Is Divorce Less Likely?

    Still on “The Seventh Year Itch” theory, once a couple goes through it successfully, they are safe. That is not to say that couples with longer years cannot divorce. But the reality of such happening becomes thinner as the years go by. From year nine to year fifteen, most couples settle into their marriages.

    At this point, there is stable commitment and satisfaction from the relationship. Additionally, they would have achieved a few of their life goals too. This includes a good job, home, and kids. While this is a tested theory, some couples divorce after fifteen years and before they reach the first year.

    Reasons Couple Divorce

    There are different reasons a couple may decide to go their different ways. See the list below.

    They Realize They Want Different Things

    The ‘a-ha’ moment for some couples leads them to divorce. It could be that they grew into a different person with different goals. It could be an issue stirred by relocating out of town. Sometimes a wife would prefer to not move often considering the kids. While a husband would want to pursue his career in a new town.

    Infidelity/Cheating

    This is a deal breaker for most homes. Some couples never repair their marriage once the trust is broken. Studies in America say that more men are likely to cheat than women. Around 20% to 40% of men would be unfaithful in their romance. While 20% to 25% of women also fall into this category.

    Lack Of Connection Leads To Divorce

    Having kids, and issues like getting a job far away from home can cause constraints in romances. Some couples never get a hang of it which leads to their divorce. Instead of building the connection, they get easily distracted.

    Financial Woes

    This is one of the most common forces against marriages. A couple’s tough time with no money leads to stress. This in turn tells on their level of empathy and love for each other.

    Final Note

    Whatever the case, divorce is not a death sentence. However, let it be the last resort. Try to reignite that spark and remember the good times shared. Then maybe that marriage can escape divorce.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • How Your Attachment Style Can Evolve: Understanding the Signs and Solutions

    How Your Attachment Style Can Evolve: Understanding the Signs and Solutions

    Research shows that the attachment style adopted during childhood influences attachment patterns in romantic relationships. Attachment styles are categorized into four. They include secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized styles. This means that a child’s relationship with the parent or caregiver is significant. For instance, a securely attached child grows up to believe in endurance for the sake of love. An avoidantly attached child may view love as distant and temporal as an adult. Also, an ambivalently attached child will likely grow up to fall in love frequently. This shows how early attachment styles impact adulthood behavior patterns.

    Exploring The Concept Of Attachment

    Attachment can be defined as affection, fondness, or sympathy for someone or something. At early stages, children form a bond with their parents or caregivers. This bond goes on to formulate that child’s view of relationships and life in general.

    Sigmund Freud’s theory on love spurred the research on attachment. However, John Bowlby is known as the father of attachment theory today. Bowlby described attachment as a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. JB further revealed childhood experiences contribute largely to development and future behavior.

    Attachment Styles And Their Characteristics

    Verywell Mind highlights the four attachment styles and how they affect connecting with people in adulthood. It is noteworthy that childhood attachment may mirror adult romantic attachment. However, research has only proven that early attachment style can help formulate adulthood behavioral patterns. See below for attachment styles and their characteristics.

    Ambivalent Attachment

    This type of early attachment involves a child having conflicting feelings towards the caregiver. Such kids show discomfort when separated from their parents. However, when the parent or caregiver returns, the child may not be comforted still. The child may go on to antagonize the parent.

    Research shows that this attachment style is uncommon in the U.S. Children with an ambivalent attachment style may grow up to be distant from others. They also doubt their partner’s love for them but become devastated when the relationship ends.

    Avoidant Attachment Style

    This style stems from a period of absence by the parents. Such children tend to avoid parents or caregivers. When the absent parent is back, the child may not reject the attention from the parent like the ambivalent one. However, the child is not looking out for that comfort or attention.

    Such children grow up to have intimacy issues and almost zero emotions in relationships. Also, such individuals find it hard to communicate or share thoughts with others. These are the ones that grow up to be okay with one-night stands or casual sex as adults.

    Disorganized Attachment Style

    Children in this category display ambiguous attachment behavior. Their response to most situations is mixed, including avoidance or resistance. This behavior is a result of parents’ inconsistency. Adults with a disorganized attachment style may pursue a loving relationship, but then abruptly distance themselves. They often undermine their relationships as adults and struggle to trust their partners.

    Secure Attachment Style

    This is the best type of attachment. Studies show that children with secure attachment tend to be more compassionate with time. They are also characterized as being less disruptive, less aggressive, and more emotionally mature compared to those with ambivalent or avoidant attachment styles. Adults in this category have good self-esteem, seek social support, and share feelings with partners and friends. They also have good and lasting relationships.

    Is It Possible To Change Your Attachment Style?

    Attachment patterns may seem fixed, but they can be changed. Rachel Goldberg, a marriage and family Therapist, revealed that attachment styles can happen at any stage of life. To buttress her point, she gave an example. According to her, a child with secure attachment can change if the caregiver suddenly dies, or a special needs kid enters the picture.

    In other words, it is possible to change attachment styles due to unique life events/ experiences. The attachment change can be from secure to insecure and vice versa. Some factors also influence the change of these styles. They include relationships, self-awareness, trauma, and learning skills.

    Final Thoughts

    Attachment styles are not fixed and as such, can evolve. We may even experience different styles with various people. This is influenced by how they treat us and our interactions with them. Transitioning from an insecure individual to a secure one is possible when we practice self-compassion and connect with positive-minded individuals.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • 5 Mistakes That Cost You a Second Date

    5 Mistakes That Cost You a Second Date

    Second dates often happen when the first one leaves a good impression on both parties. These days people meet online and go on to assume the best of each other. But guess what? The first date removes this facade. It deconstructs the myth of having a perfect partner. First dates highlight the individual strengths and weaknesses. So it would take serious interest or connection between two people to proceed to a second.

    Reasons Why Second Dates Fail

    Is it that easy to spot the reasons a second date didn’t happen?

    No Second Date If There Are Compatibility Issues

    Online, the connection might have felt heavenly. But upon the first date, questions are asked and views are submitted by both parties. At this point, both individuals pour out their deal breakers. They defend social, logical, and political views. Both parties also exhibit traits regarding their religious ideals. This is when they get to see each other beyond the surface level. Second dates won’t happen once the other person cannot picture a sense of conformity.

    Zero Physical Attraction

    The matchmaking business is more popular online. People may look slightly different from their natural selves. Image filters have made it easier to look perfect! Imagine the realization that an online photo was thoroughly edited. This would leave the other party feeling cheated. In another vein, physical attraction might not just be the fault of the cameras and filters!

    According to studies, the human brain processes compatibility almost immediately. Once there are constant conversations, the mind grows more attached. However, certain expectations persist. This may include physical preferences like hair color, height, dress sense, and other features. So in an instance where the other individual is flawed, that’s the end. A second date might as well be a waste of time!

    Second Dates Won’t Happen If There Was No Mutual Connection

    It’s time for the bitter truth. The second date did not happen because the connection wasn’t mutual! Connection is a vital part of relationships as it fosters compatibility. It could be that one person liked the other more.

    Sadly, this type of connection is one-sided. The disaster ahead is avoided by not scheduling another date. This is usually nobody’s fault as everyone has the right to choose. Instead of feeling depressed, get up and look for that Mr. or Mrs. Right!

    Something Happened

    The connection may have been there, but a second date didn’t materialize. Maybe something unexpected came up—like a private health matter or a reunion with an old flame. Perhaps the other person decided to ghost. Whatever the reason, it’s not worth dwelling on, because it’s not enough to stand in the way of true love. Instead of overanalyzing, let it go and move forward.

    Remember, a second date is unlikely if the first one didn’t go well. There might have been:

    Heated Argument And Loud Voices

    While it is healthy to share ideas and disagree, getting caught up in a debate is a no-no. Especially not on the first fate. This means that one party likes for their voice to be heard over the other’s.

    Lack of Respect

    Not everyone conforms to the idea of a sense of dignity or pride. Once a person fails to converse respectfully, a second date will most likely not fly. Most people will not schedule a date with someone who throws ‘cuss’ words around.

    Final Thoughts

    There are always preferences. Not having a second date may be nobody’s fault. But resist the urge to try again once there is no connection on the first date.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts? Why didn’t you approve that second date?

  • Is Your Relationship Built on Love Compatibility?

    Is Your Relationship Built on Love Compatibility?

    Being in love is feeling vulnerable and helpless in a good way, making compatibility a vital factor in any given relationship. Your mood lights up when that person is around, and you deal with butterflies in your tummy. But did you know that there are signs to show you that you are indeed compatible, and it’s not just a desire or lust?

    In a fast-changing world, people find it easy to use and discard people as they please, but your knowledge of being in real love can help you avoid being heartbroken.

    Although there is a place of misunderstanding that may never be fixed for some couples, that does not mean you were never in love. Here are signs to show you that you are good to go!

    Love Compatibility Is Seen, Felt And Heard In This Way…

    Understanding that compatibility describes how smooth your relationship or friendliness is with a person will make you not only rely on being compatible. This is not to say that if you want to experience true love, you must throw out compatibility. However, it is crucial you find a balance between the two.
    Since being in love connotes a deeper connection, there is no bigger blessing than having love compatibility — two in one.

    You are headed in the right direction if you:

    There Is a Never-Ending Flame Of Attraction

    This flame is only extinguished when there is no love. People who feel a real connection find a way to ignite the sharks in their romance. There may be times when responsibilities for both individuals become overwhelming, but what keeps them going is their empathy towards each other.

    Ultimately, it would fuel them to schedule dates or intimate events that bring them back to their attraction for each other. On top of that, when you are asked about your partner, love makes you blush and say the best things about them.

    Do Not Feel The Desire To Flirt In Their Presence of Absence

    Love compatibility makes you committed and disciplined. Whether you have your partner near or far, your next line of action is never to be unfaithful. Surely, some romances face tough times and unplanned things happen, but once is the only mistake. The next time is a choice. Choosing to be as faithful as them is what happens when you feel love.

    They Are Your Future

    You do not see them going anywhere. Instead, you plan your entire future around them. Bustle posits that this does not equate to being completely dependent on another for your happiness but being considerate enough to make compromises.

    Above all, love forgives, and when things start to go sour, it is quick to communicate and start afresh. But do not let anyone guilt trip you into loving them. In all you do, look out for yourself, but don’t be selfish.