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Category: Relationships & Advice

  • How Your Attachment Style Can Evolve: Understanding the Signs and Solutions

    How Your Attachment Style Can Evolve: Understanding the Signs and Solutions

    Research shows that the attachment style adopted during childhood influences attachment patterns in romantic relationships. Attachment styles are categorized into four. They include secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized styles. This means that a child’s relationship with the parent or caregiver is significant. For instance, a securely attached child grows up to believe in endurance for the sake of love. An avoidantly attached child may view love as distant and temporal as an adult. Also, an ambivalently attached child will likely grow up to fall in love frequently. This shows how early attachment styles impact adulthood behavior patterns.

    Exploring The Concept Of Attachment

    Attachment can be defined as affection, fondness, or sympathy for someone or something. At early stages, children form a bond with their parents or caregivers. This bond goes on to formulate that child’s view of relationships and life in general.

    Sigmund Freud’s theory on love spurred the research on attachment. However, John Bowlby is known as the father of attachment theory today. Bowlby described attachment as a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. JB further revealed childhood experiences contribute largely to development and future behavior.

    Attachment Styles And Their Characteristics

    Verywell Mind highlights the four attachment styles and how they affect connecting with people in adulthood. It is noteworthy that childhood attachment may mirror adult romantic attachment. However, research has only proven that early attachment style can help formulate adulthood behavioral patterns. See below for attachment styles and their characteristics.

    Ambivalent Attachment

    This type of early attachment involves a child having conflicting feelings towards the caregiver. Such kids show discomfort when separated from their parents. However, when the parent or caregiver returns, the child may not be comforted still. The child may go on to antagonize the parent.

    Research shows that this attachment style is uncommon in the U.S. Children with an ambivalent attachment style may grow up to be distant from others. They also doubt their partner’s love for them but become devastated when the relationship ends.

    Avoidant Attachment Style

    This style stems from a period of absence by the parents. Such children tend to avoid parents or caregivers. When the absent parent is back, the child may not reject the attention from the parent like the ambivalent one. However, the child is not looking out for that comfort or attention.

    Such children grow up to have intimacy issues and almost zero emotions in relationships. Also, such individuals find it hard to communicate or share thoughts with others. These are the ones that grow up to be okay with one-night stands or casual sex as adults.

    Disorganized Attachment Style

    Children in this category display ambiguous attachment behavior. Their response to most situations is mixed, including avoidance or resistance. This behavior is a result of parents’ inconsistency. Adults with a disorganized attachment style may pursue a loving relationship, but then abruptly distance themselves. They often undermine their relationships as adults and struggle to trust their partners.

    Secure Attachment Style

    This is the best type of attachment. Studies show that children with secure attachment tend to be more compassionate with time. They are also characterized as being less disruptive, less aggressive, and more emotionally mature compared to those with ambivalent or avoidant attachment styles. Adults in this category have good self-esteem, seek social support, and share feelings with partners and friends. They also have good and lasting relationships.

    Is It Possible To Change Your Attachment Style?

    Attachment patterns may seem fixed, but they can be changed. Rachel Goldberg, a marriage and family Therapist, revealed that attachment styles can happen at any stage of life. To buttress her point, she gave an example. According to her, a child with secure attachment can change if the caregiver suddenly dies, or a special needs kid enters the picture.

    In other words, it is possible to change attachment styles due to unique life events/ experiences. The attachment change can be from secure to insecure and vice versa. Some factors also influence the change of these styles. They include relationships, self-awareness, trauma, and learning skills.

    Final Thoughts

    Attachment styles are not fixed and as such, can evolve. We may even experience different styles with various people. This is influenced by how they treat us and our interactions with them. Transitioning from an insecure individual to a secure one is possible when we practice self-compassion and connect with positive-minded individuals.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • How Domestic Violence Affects Kids

    How Domestic Violence Affects Kids

    Domestic violence can affect an adult in several ways. Think about how much damage it can do to a younger mind. Kids are impressionable. What they see, they tend to recreate. That is why living in a violent home can spur violent tendencies in children. For a child, having a parent suffer domestic violence is the same as being a direct victim. Unfortunately, the consequences vary. Some kids tend to be timid and never feel the need to voice out. Others wear the aggression armor they are used to and navigate life with that mentality.

    Ways Domestic Violence Shape Kids

    Kids from domestic violent homes exhibit short or long-term behavioral patterns. Under the short-term umbrella, they:

    Outrightly Show Aggression

    This is mostly among their peers and those who they can restrain. It is a direct replica of what goes on in their homes.

    Beat Themselves Up

    For kids in such situations, they blame themselves for their parents’ fight. Since there is a presence of fear, such children retreat from being seen. They prefer to stay hidden to avoid confrontations. Instead, they take solace in their loneliness.

    Drugs And Alcohol Abuse

    Affected teenage kids may have friends, but would never reveal their ordeal. However, one way to live out of their misery would be to indulge. They may find peace in keeping late nights only to return drunk. Or they would prefer using pills or needles. For them, it is an escape from reality.

    The long-term effects of domestic violence would be:

    They Resort To Violence

    After a long time as a victim, they become the perpetrators. Instead of calming a storm, they influence it. Kids from homes riddled with domestic violence hardly resolve conflicts peacefully. Their first option is often chaos and inflicting pain on others.

    They Fail To Build Meaningful Relationships

    It is nearly impossible to keep any type of relationship with such kids. This stems from their behavioral problems. Not many would be able to cope with it, especially when they become adults.

    Addiction Issues

    After years of finding solace in drinking or using drugs, it becomes their go-to. Ultimately, kids who have experienced domestic violence become heavily dependent on it.

    Saving Kids From Violent Homes

    As a parent, looking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, especially for kids who have experienced domestic violence. It leaves them feeling empowered. They get to see how much voicing out can affect a situation. Children want to be loved. So when things exit the default setting, they only feel scared. A few ways to help a child in a domestic violent environment would be:

    Get Them To A Safe Haven

    Let there be a safe place. Ensure that kids are shielded in a more serene environment. It could be with family and friends or with someone they trust.

    Lead With Example

    In deeds and words, reconfigure their mindset. Since kids follow the examples of parents, create a different pattern. Provide support, care, love, and everything contrary to violence. They can relearn behaviors and begin to emulate them.

    Professional Help

    Don’t be trapped with in-house advice. Seek help from certified professionals. Third parties know how to analyze matters without bias. They aim to create safety and stability for the child.

    Final Note

    It is best to get the required help for a child from a domestic violent environment. This is because that person would end up being a menace to themselves, family, and society.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • How to Tell If He’s the One: 5 Key Signs You’ve Found Mr. Right

    How to Tell If He’s the One: 5 Key Signs You’ve Found Mr. Right

    There’s always a Mr. Right for every lady out there. It probably isn’t Mr. Perfect, but when they come, it just feels right. Though nobody is perfect, two people can always fit perfectly. So how can an ideal man be spotted? Firstly, know that there is a Mr. Right Now. It’s a no-brainer that Mr. Right will create butterflies in the tummy kind of feeling. But there’s also a Mr. Right Now who closely matches the real deal.

    What Is The Difference Between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now?

    Have you ever wondered why people stick to partners that don’t complement them? That’s because they are with their Mr. Right Now. It feels right but it is often a one-sided romance. It’s a type of relationship that defies the true essence of love. Surprisingly, when two people don’t fit, they still have a chance of finding true love. They may not be right for each other but could be for someone else. Mr. Right as a term is already self-explanatory.

    As a lady, when you meet the perfect person, it may not feel that way from the onset. Most Mr. Rights don’t come in the expected package. It’s natural for ladies to look out for 6 ft height, broad shoulders, preferred complexion, God-fearing, etc. However, the perfect man may not possess all these qualities. He may come with some of them. What’s more important to most women is how he thinks, treats them, and provides. This is why it’s important to give people chances. You may just be wowed.

    Major Pointers Of An Ideal Man

    Although the dynamics of every relationship differ, Collage Center points out the ground rules below.

    Mr. Right Is Truthful

    Truthfulness is a virtue that cannot be bought. It is either present or not, no in-betweens. Mr. Right would not feel the urge to lie to a lover. Nor would the truth be sugar-coated. As for secrets, there is usually none in such romances. To a Mr. Right, honesty is important and usually expected in return.

    Mr Right Is Great With Family And Friends

    Mr. Right is usually a Mr. Perfect. This guy is almost blameless. It is never truly difficult to begin conversations around friends and family. Another added advantage is that respect is earned. Having a flawless romance is everyone’s dream. So when people spot it, they admire it. Additionally family and friends often have a gift of identifying a Mr. Right. They ask about that one partner always.

    Respect Is Never Compromised

    The right man knows that the respect cards must be on the table at all times. Such value influences conversations, emotions, and even reactions. There are certain things an ideal man would never say even when angry. Some lines are never crossed.

    Apart from words, an ideal man is always cautious with other females. Out of respect, the right man would not want a partner to feel insecure. So hanging on to an ex or reacting to flirtations is a no-no.

    Mr. Right Has Good Influence

    The ideal male partner is unwilling to compromise with standards, and that’s a good thing. In a world where certain disloyal acts are considered trendy, Mr. Right doesn’t conform. Rather than join them, an ideal man beats them to the game. There is usually nothing to hide, nothing to lie about. In the end, these values influence Mr Right’s partner. In fact, it begins to affect those closest to the couple.

    Goals Align

    There has to be a genuine connection. Values, dreams, and standards often align. The moment there is disconnection or lack of attraction, it’s a recipe for disaster. No matter how great things feel, there must be a synergy. It should not be anything forced. Not anything one-sided. If it is, then it’s probably just a Mr. Right Now passing by.

    Final Note

    Meeting the right partner automatically influences a person. Once certain values are missing from a person, even the right man can get exhausted. In essence, it takes two to tango; a willing man and a better half working in unison. The end goal? To create a healthy and harmonious romance!

    #Clique, what are your thoughts? Ladies, have you found the ideal man?

    Gents, have you found your Mrs. Right?

  • 5 Mistakes That Cost You a Second Date

    5 Mistakes That Cost You a Second Date

    Second dates often happen when the first one leaves a good impression on both parties. These days people meet online and go on to assume the best of each other. But guess what? The first date removes this facade. It deconstructs the myth of having a perfect partner. First dates highlight the individual strengths and weaknesses. So it would take serious interest or connection between two people to proceed to a second.

    Reasons Why Second Dates Fail

    Is it that easy to spot the reasons a second date didn’t happen?

    No Second Date If There Are Compatibility Issues

    Online, the connection might have felt heavenly. But upon the first date, questions are asked and views are submitted by both parties. At this point, both individuals pour out their deal breakers. They defend social, logical, and political views. Both parties also exhibit traits regarding their religious ideals. This is when they get to see each other beyond the surface level. Second dates won’t happen once the other person cannot picture a sense of conformity.

    Zero Physical Attraction

    The matchmaking business is more popular online. People may look slightly different from their natural selves. Image filters have made it easier to look perfect! Imagine the realization that an online photo was thoroughly edited. This would leave the other party feeling cheated. In another vein, physical attraction might not just be the fault of the cameras and filters!

    According to studies, the human brain processes compatibility almost immediately. Once there are constant conversations, the mind grows more attached. However, certain expectations persist. This may include physical preferences like hair color, height, dress sense, and other features. So in an instance where the other individual is flawed, that’s the end. A second date might as well be a waste of time!

    Second Dates Won’t Happen If There Was No Mutual Connection

    It’s time for the bitter truth. The second date did not happen because the connection wasn’t mutual! Connection is a vital part of relationships as it fosters compatibility. It could be that one person liked the other more.

    Sadly, this type of connection is one-sided. The disaster ahead is avoided by not scheduling another date. This is usually nobody’s fault as everyone has the right to choose. Instead of feeling depressed, get up and look for that Mr. or Mrs. Right!

    Something Happened

    The connection may have been there, but a second date didn’t materialize. Maybe something unexpected came up—like a private health matter or a reunion with an old flame. Perhaps the other person decided to ghost. Whatever the reason, it’s not worth dwelling on, because it’s not enough to stand in the way of true love. Instead of overanalyzing, let it go and move forward.

    Remember, a second date is unlikely if the first one didn’t go well. There might have been:

    Heated Argument And Loud Voices

    While it is healthy to share ideas and disagree, getting caught up in a debate is a no-no. Especially not on the first fate. This means that one party likes for their voice to be heard over the other’s.

    Lack of Respect

    Not everyone conforms to the idea of a sense of dignity or pride. Once a person fails to converse respectfully, a second date will most likely not fly. Most people will not schedule a date with someone who throws ‘cuss’ words around.

    Final Thoughts

    There are always preferences. Not having a second date may be nobody’s fault. But resist the urge to try again once there is no connection on the first date.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts? Why didn’t you approve that second date?

  • Overcoming Networking Anxiety: Your Guide to Fear-Free Connections

    Overcoming Networking Anxiety: Your Guide to Fear-Free Connections

    Networking is a key factor in any career, but many cannot cross over due to the fear of what-ifs. It could be the fear of your networking experiment not going as planned. On the other hand, you may feel uncomfortable becoming a bother to the person who will serve as your professional ladder. Thankfully, with the integration of technology to include career-friendly platforms, you can overcome the fear of networking.

    Dealing With the Fear of Networking

    Making meaningful connections in the career space has been made easy through apps like LinkedIn. After updating your portfolio to suit your proficiency, you can easily find others in your work. But the best way to connect without seeming like a bother is by:

    Tuning Your Search to Similar Roles as Your Own

    This is simple. Here, you are trying to attract what you want. Searching for professionals in your field or someone with sufficient knowledge of what you do would help overcome the fear of networking.

    Connecting Wisely

    First impressions matter — truly. You can have the most creative ways of executing your tasks. But never fail to interest people with your connection request. Carina Clingman, Ph.D., founder of The Collaboratory Career Hub and host of the Biotech Career Coach Podcast, advises on a formula.

    According to Biospace, she suggests that the order of things should be name, compliment, reason for connecting, and an open-ended question. Why? She explains:

    “Here’s why this formula works: Names are powerful and command attention. Compliments should be subtle; complimenting their company choice is usually very effective. Psychology research shows that giving a reason for making a request—even a flimsy excuse—makes the request more likely to be accepted.”

    Ultimately, if your goal is to overcome your fear of networking, then try to spread your wings wide. You can send out multiple connection requests. Not everyone might be accepted, but that shouldn’t deter you, as it takes consistency to achieve anything in life. Be consistent!

  • Benefits of Alone Time in a Healthy Relationship

    Benefits of Alone Time in a Healthy Relationship

    Alone time in a relationship may sound strange, especially since a handful of partners love to be in each other’s hair. But did you know there is a level of alone time required in every romance? Despite its importance, it should never be too frequent. Only then can you enjoy the benefits of alone time in your relationship.

    Benefits of Alone Time in a Relationship

    The advantages of alone time in a relationship don’t make it such a chaotic concept. Some people may feel the need to have time for themselves, no matter how little time they have. As for the other half, it is best to respect this decision and try to understand its essence before challenging it.

    Alone Time Decongests Our Stress Level

    Humans cannot function properly if there is no interaction within their environment. However, observing alone time in a relationship can make you feel less stressed or worried about an issue. This is because you are left alone with your thoughts without feeling judged by what your partner may feel.

    Better Your Communication Skills

    Being alone means there is minimal influence from an external force. This atmosphere can help you understand how to sharpen your communication skills in your romance, especially when it is lacking.

    Since you must contact your partner while away, you begin to come up with creative ways of getting their attention. Also, being too fond of your partner can make you take them for granted, so the alone time helps to rekindle the sparks.

    Despite the benefits of alone time in relationships, do not abuse it. It should never be an escape route when there is a problem. According to Relationrise, scheduling alone time for you and your partner can also achieve a lot in romance. If you have kids or work has begun to creep into your time together, plan a getaway far away from everybody for the two of you.

  • Empower Your Independence: 5 Essential Strategies for Living for Yourself

    Empower Your Independence: 5 Essential Strategies for Living for Yourself

    Living for yourself isn’t a bad idea, even if you love to give. You must first learn how to treat yourself before you can truly and fully give out love, kindness, and acts of service. This has nothing to do with selfishness. But living for yourself is a way to refuel your burned energy, especially if there is a pressing need to show up when required. Failure to live for yourself would lead to depression and frustration.

    Knowing How To Slow Down To Live For Yourself

    You only live once, so why not make it worthwhile even when trying to help others? Here’s how to live for yourself, according to AConsciousRethink.

    Have an Honest Conversation About Motives

    It is important to tell yourself the truth. Shut out the outside noise and praise for doing good to others. Ask yourself if you need to exert yourself on another person’s behalf or merely do it for applause. If the latter is the answer, then you had better begin to put yourself first instead.

    Never Confuse Living For Yourself As Being Selfish

    Since you are only useful to others when healthy and in the right frame of mind, it is also necessary to think of yourself first. Treat yourself nicely, look and smell nice, eat healthy, and have a good exercise routine.

    Consider Prioritizing Yourself

    This is a number one factor for some new moms. You tend to cater to your newborn’s every sound when, in fact, you should be resting. While this is a common thing, it isn’t a healthy practice. Whenever there is an opportunity for rest, grab it. Schedule spa dates or soak yourself in the tub while sipping on a glass of wine. This practice shouldn’t be reserved for birthdays or date time with your spouse. After all, what good is your breakdown for anyone?

    Know When To Give Up

    Giving up caring to focus on yourself isn’t evil. It will teach the other person to respect your presence more. In this case, trying to handle everything for your child, not doing anything at all can improve their independence.

    Have A Routine

    You can live for yourself most effectively by having a plan. In this schedule, you outline what to do and ensure you create time for rest. Additionally, you can delegate your responsibilities to your kids, especially age-appropriate chores.

    If you have a partner, learn to communicate with them so that they can share your burden. Never feel like you are a superhuman who doesn’t deserve to live how you want. But understand that everything good in life requires discipline and proper planning.

    #Clique, what do you think about prioritizing yourself?

  • Unlocking Relationship Bliss: The Crucial Element Every Couple Must Embrace

    Unlocking Relationship Bliss: The Crucial Element Every Couple Must Embrace

    The most important factor in a relationship may just be your willingness to commit. Many experts agree that there is never one crucial factor, as it tends to vary due to the couples involved. However, there are some things to look out for to know where your relationship is headed. First, we have established that you and your partner must be willing to commit and carry on. Giving up on the romance means saying goodbye, which only translates to a failed relationship. So, how healthy is the relationship you are currently in?

    The Four Elements Every Healthy Relationship Must Possess

    At this point, you already know that no magic or one factor counts as the most important in a relationship. Relationrise suggests that blending these four elements—commitment, communication, respect, and trust—does the trick.

    Commitment

    This refers to the responsibility you and your partner put on yourselves in the relationship. It translates to how invested you or your partner are in ensuring the romance works. Despite hitting a rough patch, some couples can get back on track by proving their commitment to one another. This works all the time because everyone loves to feel like they are a priority.

    Communication

    Learning to communicate your feelings, including your fears and worries, will elevate your relationship. Possessing the ability to communicate fluently means that your partner is a great listener, and therefore, conflicts can be avoided or handled.

    Trust

    Trust allows you to confide in your other half without feeling out of place or belittled. When you trust them to handle a situation, and they deliver, it increases your respect for them while you learn to improve from your end. Likewise, whenever you prove to be trustworthy by not going against your relationship vows or being the confidant in times of need, you strengthen the quality of your romance.

    Respect

    Nobody’s concerns, fears, or worries should weigh less. Never invalidate your spouse’s feelings, as this negatively affects the romance. Respect is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it is earned. As a man in the relationship, you need to act as a leader who knows how to steer the ship when there is a storm. You must respect your partner’s decisions. When there is a clash of interests, know how to use your feminine power to cajole your man rather than become confrontational.

    Whatever you do, ensure it is reciprocated, whether commitment, respect, trust, or communication. If you notice it as one-sided, it’s time to say goodbye because that doesn’t count as a healthy relationship.

    #Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • Unlocking SEO Success: The Power of Storytelling in Brand Development

    Unlocking SEO Success: The Power of Storytelling in Brand Development

    Brand storytelling is crucial for every company, no matter how many years they have spent as consumers’ favorite. They always need to sell their stuff. In the business world, it makes the brand more appealing and gives it value. These days, companies spend millions to convey their worth and value through logos, on-screen ads, and design languages. The list is endless. Some even feature famous faces. Their general term is branding, but how they connect to the customers is where storytelling comes in.

    In recent times, the latest trend for many businesses has been to imitate trends and become a popular brand. But what happens when people get tired, and the craze wears off? So it is important to build brand storytelling that often lasts the test of time.

    How To Build Brand Storytelling:

    These three steps can save your business.

    Dare To Be Different From Trends Through Memorable Storytelling

    This is pretty easy. Forbes advises that you take into consideration your target audience. It would help if you ran a survey beforehand. Once your research is done, it can build your appeal to your clients since you will already be familiar with what captivates them. This way, you can connect on a personal note with your customers.

    Let People Trust You

    Remember that brand storytelling is about creating a lasting legacy. The only way to execute this is by establishing trust. How? Let your words match up to delivery and services. Be prompt when there is a problem to be resolved. Then, be sure to emphasize these qualities in advertising so people can easily reference their reliance on your brand.

    Enhance Emotional Attachments

    Let your brand storytelling assure your customers that they matter. Be creative in your messages and let the patterns flow into each other to build a connection. It could be with words, colors, or design.
    In the end, the level of acceptability of a brand is based on its ability to convey a story. Don’t blame your audience if you fail to sell out your brand. Look inward.

    Clique, what are your thoughts?

  • How to Go About Life with Difficult Family Members

    How to Go About Life with Difficult Family Members

    Family members are supposed to be a source of love and support, not creators of difficulty in your life. The motto for a functional family should be “one for all, and all for one,” meaning that their affairs are each other’s concerns. This is not to say that there won’t be small fights and different opinions, but core values like empathy are what will resolve the differences in families like this. However, there are always two sides to a coin, and families can include individuals who can make things difficult sometimes. Sadly, the effect may affect you more. So it is best to know how to navigate if you find yourself in such a difficult household.

    How Difficult Family Members Can Affect You

    The lingering effects of dealing with family members range from:

    • Unreasonable fear and apprehension when it is time for a family gathering.
    • Cutting yourself off from family members, even the ones that are not difficult.
    • Becoming overly independent, and you rarely see the need for friendships.
    • Having difficulty maintaining a healthy sleep routine.
    • Beating yourself up for the misdeeds of others.

    Ultimately, people who grew up in dysfunctional homes may be on two sides of the extreme. Either they tailor their lives after what they were used to or shut out completely. However, another effect can be to not become what you hate.

    Surviving Difficult Family Members

    Once you identify where your family lies, it becomes easier to handle the outcomes. If your background reeked of competition, physical abuse, and so on, you must consider seeing a professional. But if you experienced faint chaos and misunderstandings from siblings, you may want to attack it by talking about it. Have a round table talk, and do not be shy about your feelings. You can have a third party around to help settle the rivalry.

    Help Guide provides what could pass as a long-lasting solution — cut them off. If you have difficulty with family members who decide to frustrate you at the slightest chance, stay away from them for your own safety.

    Note that the first thing that should come to mind when dealing with difficult family members is to try to make them see the light. However, in doing so, do not get burned.